(POINTS TO REMEMBER)
(Common Types of Inner Children)
Inner child is created during a crisis - a crisis could have been be at any age from pre-birth to young adult. Some people have an inner fetus, and others an inner teenager. Many people have more than one inner child, and the inner children may fight. Some people have a dissociated self of their own age, who may not trust them. And sometimes a large part of the self appears to be totally missing, which we call lost identity.
We usually have solutions, but first, let's look at some types of inner child and the corresponding adult behaviors. Then we can consider an inner babysitter:
1. Playful Children
2. Demanding Children
3. Neglected Children
4. Abandoned Children
5. Frightened Children
6. Detached Children
7. Ignored Children
8. Spiritual Children
This sensitive inner child rejected their real parents and searched for perfect parents or a heavenly home. As adults they may be intensely religious and either express intolerance for other philosophies or desperately check every potential spiritual path.
(Emotional First Aid)
We repeatedly find that if a person did not dissociate overwhelming emotions (to create an inner child), they feel that may have become insane, sick, criminal or dead! As the original dissociation was often a way to survive some emotional issue, ALWAYS be gentle when communicating with an inner child!
("First - FEEL YOUR FEELINGS!")
An experienced systemic coach can help you do this without re-traumatizing yourself (see therapist damage). (Inexperienced coaches and counselors may be unable to resolve the trauma that created an inner child, and, with good intentions, increase the identity loss).
You can learn how to comfort your inner child. If you didn't enjoy healthy bonding with your mother, re-parenting may help your healing. Some easy strategies can probably help. Perhaps wrap yourself in a soft blanket in a comfortable and imagine comforting the younger you who you once were ... (have a box of tissues ready - you may cry).
Don't try to force or manipulate an inner child ... that may be why they split off in the first place! Learn to love and respect these parts of you! Be endlessly patient. Inner children are often lost in time - from their points of view the trauma just happened ... or is still happening! They may be shocked to discover that you have grown up!
Some treats for your inner child may feel strange at first - and later wonderful! Perhaps read your inner child a story as you sit in a comfortable chair. Maybe sing a lullaby to your inner child if you feel upset. Maybe buy and use some coloring books and crayons. Perhaps take real children to a play-park or zoo, or go a circus, or watch a beloved children's movie - as if your inner child was with you.
We can coach you, step by step, to:
The consequences of ignoring emotions, together with the side-effects of psychoactive drugs, are unacceptable to an increasing number of health professionals and their patients.
(Trauma and the Inner Child)
If you do not resolve the adult consequences of childhood trauma, you may feel like a wounded child whenever something reminds you of your early stress. You are less likely to enjoy stable employment and stable relationships; and you are more likely to feel angry, depressed and anxious.
The consequences of childhood trauma can include an inability to make decisions; shame, guilt, self-blame; and a sense of being different (feeling special or rejected). Ignoring these consequences of can lead to toxic bonds, learning disabilities, depression and bipolar disorder. We coach people to recover, nurture and integrate lost or childish parts.
(Integrating an Inner Child)
Our inner child coaching can benefit people who suffered childhood trauma or abuse, and disassociated to cope with the experience. We coach people understand their emotions; this may reduce nightmares, diminish panic attacks and help control eating and learning problems.
Although our inner child coaching has helped many people, much depends on the extent of the disassociation, which can have a wide range of effects and symptoms. DID (disassociation identity disorder - once called multiple personality) is an extreme. Less extreme possibilities include:
Many people try to manage emotional symptoms with medication. Other people may try to distract themselves with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling or food. A common consequence is an inability to enjoy mature, adult relationships. But if the underlying identity loss is not restored, then the symptoms may return in other forms.